My daughter just turned 18 months old yesterday. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that losing your temper and raising your voice in an effort to force her to obey is akin to kicking a boulder as hard as you can – without shoes on. Like that boulder, my daughter just doesn’t care.

In the months leading up to Addison’s birth, I thought many times about the types of discipline we would use and how I wanted to be one of those “I’m your Father not your friend” parents. I thought the stern, raised voice and mean looks were valid disciplinary actions and an effective means of modifying your child’s behavior. Boy, was I ever wrong.

After about 15 months, I realized I was getting nowhere. My daughter still got into the same things I’d tried to keep her out of since she could crawl. She still went right off to the next off-limits area as soon as I yelled at her. It’s like “big bear daddy” didn’t phase her at all.

One day about 3 months ago I decided to go the exact opposite.  If she did something bad, I would simply shake my head no at her and move her away from whatever she was doing (or whatever it was away from her). After a couple of weeks I noticed her looking at me first before grabbing things like my iPhone or the cat’s tail. She was beginning to realize that what she was doing was wrong, and she was checking with me to see if anything had changed since the last time. Simultaneously, I started being over-the-top congratulatory for anything she did well. Throw your garbage in the trash can? Woohoo!!! Put your dirty socks in the laundry basket? Jumping around and shouts of happiness! Leave Daddy’s iPhone where it is when you point at it and I shake my head? Hugs and kisses all around!

And you know what? It works. I mean, it really works. She now behaves better than ever, and while she’s not perfect (and no child is) she is respectful of Daddy and wants to please me more than she wants to grab the iPhone.

This is just a bit of new Dad information I thought I might share with any of you who, like me, think yelling and being a big bad wolf is the best way to get your child’s attention.