Trey Connell

I’m not sure how anyone ever thought speaker phones were a good idea.  It’s bad enough when multiple people group around a phone and all talk at once, but it’s even worse when an individual refuses to pick up the receiver when they’re the only one there.  I mean how lazy can you be?  Are you telling me because you don’t want to hold the receiver to your head, I’m forced to talk to someone who sounds like some sort of futuristic robot with a smoking problem sitting in a barrel?  Jesus, at least go pop for a headset or one of those beige colored shoulder stands like they used in the 80s.  In the meantime, do me a favor and put a piece of tape over your speaker button that says “Do not use on pain of death or massive hearing loss”.

You’ve received them. Those emails with a From Address with @donotreply.com. And yet – you just can’t help yourself. You dare to buck the system. You lash out at automated application emails and refuse to follow the instructions and links within. With a massive click of the mouse you declare “I will reply directly to the email DAMMIT – because I can!”

And two days later this is you:

Hey Mary – did you receive my email?

No

But I sent it two days ago! What do you mean we didn’t get the project because we didn’t send our response in on time?!?!

I never received it so you lost your chance. Better luck next time.

Way to go, rebel. You….are a moron.

My air conditioning has been out for 3 days now and the high is 106 degrees every day. I never realized how lathargic and slow being hot can make someone. I felt like I was in the movie A Time to Kill. Matthew McConaughey is a lawyer in a small Mississippi town where apparently they do not have air conditioning. He spends most of the movie glistening due to the intense southern heat and humidity. Not that I glisten – or play the bongos naked either…

Yesterday the repair man came out late in the afternoon. This little man and what I can only assume was his son introduced themselves and then prepared to make the trek up into my attic to check things out. After about fifteen minutes I heard the fan kick on inside the house and felt cold air coming from the vents.

Now – here’s the important part because what did I obviously do next? I asked the guy what happened. He proceeds to tell me that I have a relay with a “small burn mark on it” and the gist of the “repair” was that he jiggled the wire back and forth until the unit came on. Then he says, “If it ain’t broke then don’t fix it”. At this point you’re thinking to yourself – why didn’t the guy replace the broken or soon-to-be-broken part? Well, he didn’t. And I didn’t make him. My obvious response should have been to tell him to get his ass back up in that attic and fix the A/C for good. But I didn’t. I was busy working and just happy that my house was cooling down. I even walked to the thermostat over the next several hours to smile at the lower temperature displayed each time.

And then it happened. Last night around 9 PM the A/C went out AGAIN. I slept with no covers and 2 fans blowing on high and still sweated all night. I might have even glistened a couple of times.

Moral of the story? Don’t be stupid and let people get away with things you know are going to bite you in the ass. Do it right the first time.